I'm going insane

What do you do when you feel like all you can do is scream?  First of all, my daughter is trying to give me a heart attack.  It doesn't matter what type of punishment I give her, her life revolves around pissing me off.  I spent a couple hundred dollers on new things and summer clothes for her, and she has found and destroyed almost everything, and it's not even April yet.  Grape juice, strawberries, paint, pizza sauce stains.  No matter how hard I hide her clothes, even in my own closet, she still finds them.  Same with stuff I've listed on ebay.  As soon as it's about  to sell, she'll find it, ruin it, and I have to take down the listing.  I'm not even exagerating.

She'll take a spanking then stand their in tears as I tell her to go to her room, and she'll cross her arms, stomp her foot, and still tell me no.  She is thee most stubborn human being on the face of this planet.

If Aidan falls asleep, she'll wake him up.  Either by hitting his swing or pulling on his feet.  She isn't trying to hurt him, she does it just to piss me off.  You don't believe me?  After I catch her her response is, "In your face!" 

If I clean her room or make her bed, or my own, she'll rip the sheets off and throw them on the ground along with her toys.  She'll drag her toys into the living room immediatly after I put them in her room, then just leave them, and go back in her room.

She waits until I'm feeding Aidan or until he falls asleep on my lap to need something.  Before I feed him I try to make sure she has everything she needs, and will ask if there's anything I can get her.  "No."  and sure as shit, as soon as he starts eating.  Mom I'm pooping.  Mom I'm thirsty.  Mom I'm hungry.  Mom I can't watch this.  Mom, help me. 

She spits.  She'll spit on her hand and wipe it on the windows, the tv, the coffee table, the refidgerator.  I can't tell you how many times she's been sent to time out because of spitting but she still does it. 

She can't share.  She throws the BIGGEST fit if someone has something she wants.  It's not just any fit, she is outraged.  I'm really sort of bummed that she is so big because she overpower any other kid her age, and some that are older.  She is a bully.

She CONSTANTLY asks, "what's that?!"  Then before I can answer she'll tell me what it is.  Why do you ask if you already know?  And I'm not just being a bitch, I'm all for helping her learn, but it's, honost to god, 300 times a day.  ANNOYING!!!

I swear to god she likes being yelled at.  If I tell her to get away from me, she'll follow right behind me like a puppy dog instead. 

She's up at 6, doesn't take a nap, and doesn't go to bed until 10 when her dad goes to bed.  And even then she's in her room playing with the lights off.

I constantly feel like my chest or head is going to explode.  Add in the fact that I have a baby screaming in my face while trying to deal with The Deal just makes things that much harder and elevates my blood that much more.

Joe is really into taking my car to work, so I'm stuck at home from 6:30 to 4 Monday through Friday.  Tuesday and Thursday he takes the car from 7-11.  Friday or Saturday if he has a show, he takes the car then.  I'm very limited to when I can leave the house.  Joe says that Aidan doesn't eat for him, so I'm limited even more as to how long I can stay out.  My trips are usually a quick run to the post office and a run through winco.  I love my kids, but being around them this much makes me want to cut my head off sometimes.  On Saturday and Sundays he gets to sleep in since he worked all week.  If I go out with my friends I have to make sure that I'm still able to get up at 3, 5, and get up at 7.  Do you know how fun it is to get up at 7 am on a Saturday to a screaming baby in your face and someone up your ass every two seconds?  It's not fun and I'm really jealous of Joe. 

I feel like my body is shutting down on me.  I never have enough time to make myself something to eat so I'm constantly just eating whatever I can instantly put in my mouth.  A granola bar, chips, pretzels, beef jerky, and 5 cups of coffee is my main diet.  I've had the shits for the last 3 days.  Do you know how difficut it is to try to keep a newborn quiet and comfortable in the middle of the night when you have to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes?  I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep in the last 3 months.  I'm a zombie.  I'm a pissed off zombie.

I wish screaming really did make things better.


Cheers,
stinky